SLIPPERY SLOPE!!!!
| Have you every found yourself on a slippery slope? Have you every found yourself slipping slowly down? But not able to stop the fall, no matter how hard you try. I've know for awhile what was wrong with me.Its not a physical thing,althought it eventuallty can cause health problems.And it is doing just that........ I know to look at me, and to speak to me, you would never guess ....This demon, I have fought, on more then one occasion, and I find myself fighting once again,goes by the name "depression" To look at this word, its like so many others.But it can be sneaky, creeping up on you out of no where.The reason for it I don't know .....But I know the signs all to well.
The list goes on and on. I don't even feel like taken a shower, or eating.Although I do. I don't enjoy my faimly, which is the greatest loss of all.I should be spending time with my Mom, who I love with all my heart.( And fear lossing). So if I'm so afraid of lossing her you'd think I'd be there every change I get. But with me its like I try and seperate myself,try and put some distance between the people I love and myself. So what do I do now ?????" I fight, I fight as hard as I can". Because I cannot let this thing win. It is a fight that I have to fight on my own. "And I will WIN" I shouldn't be writting this because I know that K-A- S will be reading this ... I haven't even said anything to D. I find it hard to show my weakness, even to him. But I'm not writting this to upset anyone. I'm writting this because I needed too. So now you can watch me , beat it once again.
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posted by Funnyface at
11:28 a.m.
9 Comments:
You've fought this battle so many times before--- it doesn't seem fair that it keeps coming back to push you down that slide again--- just know that we're here to catch you, or soften the fall, or just hold your "virtual" hand as you reach out for help----- and you don't have to protect tam, she's a strong, very wise woman, who loves you madly and has always been there for you, as we all are,---and your mom knows you love her--- she's fought demons too, we all have sis----so thanks for sharing, especially if it helps break that slide-- love you!!
Nannan,
Thank you so much. You don't know how much your words mean to me.Its so good to know,I have you in my corner.And thank you for not judging me.
Love ya Cheryl
I second all the previous comments - can't add much more except to say I'm in your corner, as we all are.
Love - Fireguy
Hi Mom,
Just got done reading your blog, Nannan is right, you don't have to protect me, and this is something that you didn't have to hide from me, I remember your signs, have seen them as of late in your writing, nothing specific, but your style changes and well with the way we talk on MSN. But it wasn't something for me to come straight out and say, and I knew you would say soemthing when youhad decided the time was right to break your silence. You know that you are never alone, and that I have broad shoulders.
I remember once when you were getting help and I was staying at Nannan's(as I brought up to Nannan at the going away party), she took me into the living room one evening just her and I to talk, and she gave me a card with a prayer in it, which I have kept to this day, and now I am going to share these words of wisdom with everyone who reads this comment.
"O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life. O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord." ~Abdu'l-Baha
Take what you will from this, and know that you are never alone.
Love you Lots Mom,
Tammie
I should be in bed but felt that I needed to check your blog since I haven't looked for a couple days...
Glad I did.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You talk about not wanting to show areas of weakness but really by talking to us about it you are really showing SUCH STRENGTH!!!
Acknowledging depression is the most important step. It is what it is, an illness and nothing more. You are still you and it doesn't change the amazing, creative and beautiful person that you are. And you know what I really believe that you have the strength to beat it, especially with such a huge group of us that are all hear for you and love you dearly.
Have you ever talked to your doctor about depression? And if you have ni the past, maybe it would be good to talk to him/her again and ask what kinds of treatments might help you fight it, if you are comfortable with that. Depression is often a physical problem actually, and like you stated, can affect your physical health if it continues to thrive!
Know that we are all hear for you! Bounce your ideas and fears off us if you are worried or unsure!!
love you,
G.
Here's a poem that will hopefully be meaningful to you (and others!)
FOR MY FRIEND
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you,
And share with you its beauty
The days your feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own,
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone.
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best
A friend that's always there.
- December 2000 -
Hello Everyone,
I want to thank you all for your words of support.How could anyone fail, with so many caring people on there side.
Thank you for the poems, they are truly beautiful.And something I will hang on to, and read often.
Love to you all:)
I have been suffering from depression most of my life, but was not diagnosed until a few years ago. I always tried to cover it up with humour (or what I thought was humour). But, eventually it gets you. I know exactly what you mean about not caring about anything, or not wanting to go out, or not even wanting to get out of bed. But, I have learned, that when those days come, try very hard to remember, that they will pass! Just do the best you can..and try to ride it out. Do not feel guilty! It is an illness as valid as any other. The guilt only adds to the depression. And talk to us about it anytime you want. And, please see a Dr...there is help out there. I remember feeling so ashamed and guilt-ridden, but that only made me want to hide away even more. Now, on those bad days, I just say to Jim 'I'm feeling a little down today' and he understands and lets me be. It passes...Funnyface...it ALWAYS passes! Now, you take good care of yourself, and treat yourself once in a while...you deserve it.
Best of luck...you are not alone.
Love, Marsha
Hi funnyface :o)
You are definately not alone in your fight. I fought for years just to admit I even had depression... It's an on-going battle, with yourself, and sometimes with the people around you who don't understand what you're going through. A few years ago, I finally admitted that I couldn't fight the battle alone anymore, and went to my doctor - I am so glad I did. Medication has helped me remember what peace and contentment feel like. I still have days when I want to hide in bed, but they are far fewer than they used to be. Keep fighting, don't give up, and don't be ashamed - you are a survivor!
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